11.21.2015

Big Mistake

Orion has had a lump on his neck since he was 5 and a half.

It has suddenly expanded and enlarged for no apparent reason.

Our doctor has kept an eye on it.  He now says it's changed so rapidly in such a short time frame, seemingly for no reason that it is cause for further evaluation by a specialist.

With everything my man cubs have been through medically, I have always thought 'it could be worse, at least they don't have cancer'.

I made a mistake and started reading up on swollen neck lymph nodes... now I'm on the verge of a melt down.

Cancer is a very realistic possibility.

Amongst other awful things but a high, realistic possibility.

St Luke's tries to reduce unnecessary bills and testing to help minimize cost to patients.  The specialist wants to see Orion before any tests are ordered, and we can't get in until the week after Thanksgiving due to said MD being out off for the Holiday .

I really hope my imagination is just going wild...
I really hope I am mentally over reacting...

The truth is, I'm scared.

Terrified really...  The thought makes me weep as I write.  Unfortunately my mind set is to always expect/prepare for the worst, that way you are not as let down if the worst hits.

I don't know why I even looked into it.  This weight of awful possibilities crushes my heart to dust.