Reality Check

Glorious oh glorious shopping.
Thank you for the reality check.
You certainly were in rare form today.
I cruised around your store, looking for good deals,
Saving the worst for last.

{I went hoping like I was at least the size of the chick in the middle}

And you never let me down,
Not. One. Bit.
I love when I can try on clothing and feel XXXL the size than I did before I walked into the store.
So thank you for being the wonderful douche that you are,
Enticing me to even try on your pathetically cute little items of clothing that have ab-so-stinkin-lutely no place on this body.

I'm not gonna lie,
THIS is what I look like.
{Minus the radiant smile.}
Slouchy gut and all.
If I had the balls I would have posted a picture of myself!

Oh wait, this chick looks even better cause you can't see her back rolls or thigh dimples.
{Would you like to take a gander of these women's sizes?}

Excuse me while I throw up.